You're hard in a million and ten thousand more ways, but one of the reasons you're so terrible is because you're so stagnant. I can't move you.
I can't outwork you, I can't try just a litttlleee bit harder for a litttllee bit longer to swing the pendulum in my favor with you, I can't will you into existence - or I guess in this case, extinction. You're also a really evil bitch, but more on that later. This is a place for my gratitude, remember?
I'm not grateful for you yet. I don't know if I ever will be. Am I grateful for death? No. But has it taught me an amount of immeasurable things that I don't think I could joyfully live my life without now? Yes. I hope I will be able to find the same message and lessons within you, and one day I'll be able to return to this page and tell you thank you.. But right now all you've given me is an empty room in a big ole house, waiting to be filled with more love than you could ever kill, an empty heart that reflects an empty womb, the worst pain since the worst day, and a spirit that has to fight every single day to believe in the future. You are the darkest part of the night, and right now I have nothing to say to you except you won't win. And also, fuck you, too.